Peace and Quiet Or Not
by Scarabbug
Summary: The sound is a soft humming: one he feels long before he hears. It’s the sensation of something alive, but different. Something not of flesh and blood, but probably able to argue its case. Oneshot, mostly pointless .


**_Spoilers_: Possibly some very vague ones for _Race for Life_. **

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_Writer's Note_: Inspired by an online conversation with an LJ user known as _Kiffie_. Standard disclaimers apply.**

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Peace and Quiet. Or Not..

The sound is a soft humming: one he feels long before he hears. It's the sensation of something alive, but different. Something not of flesh and blood, but probably able to argue its case. After a few moments of nothing in particular, Michael realises that the sound isn't coming from anything in the desert around them.

His first instinct is to laugh, so he does.

'Uh…KITT?'

_'Yes Michael?' _

'You're purring.'

There's a pause as long as six sweeps of KITT's scanner. The humming, vibrating sensation stops abruptly. A small wind sweeps across the desert, disrupting the peace as effectively as a ten gun salute.

Michael keeps sniggering.

_'…I _beg _your pardon?' _

'You heard what I said, pal, you're purring, I can _hear_ you. And feel you too.'

Another pause, this one an entire eight sweeps long. _'…I'm afraid you must be mistaken.' _

Michael laughs, because he knows he isn't.

They came out here for the kind of peace and quiet you can only really find in a desert. Somebody had told him once, that when a person is in good company, they don't need to make smalltalk, and since their particular brand of small talk often descends into bickering, squabbling, lost card games (on Michael's part) and debates about the benefits of rock and roll music anyway, Michael had seen no reason to disrupt the peace.

And then… the purring. Yeah. That's weird.

He's surprised he never noticed it before, but then they had never been this still, this quiet, in such a long time. This much at peace with just about everything. No cases to chase down, no calls from Devon, no nothing…

Just the right time for him to crack up in hysterics. Which he does. 'Oh, I'm not. I am so not mistaken. It's the way your engine hums, or something…' Except that KITT's engine isn't actually on right now, so there's that potential explanation ruled out. 'I mean I've heard of engines purring, but you're just taking the—'

_'In case you hadn't noticed, I'm not a _cat._ I'm not even awfully fond of cats, much less likely to imitate one.'_

'But you _are_ purring.'

_'Oh, really, Michael.'_

Another snigger, quieter this time. 'What? You are.'

_'Am not.'_

'Am too.'

_'I certainly am not.' _

'You most certainly am.'

_'I won't even begin to correlate the improper use of grammar in that sentence.'_

Michael whistles around a grin. 'Picky tonight aren't we? You just don't like losing the debate, that's your problem.'

_'The fact that I think grammar deserves a little respect says nothing of my ability to… construct a proper debate.' _

'Aw c'mon, buddy, call it what it is: just a normal, everyday argument between buddies… One of whom happened to be _purring_ two minutes ago.'

_'I don't argue.' _A rumble, less of a purr and more of a growl this time, except that it isn't really. He can't really see KITT ever growling at anyone (but then again, just a few minutes ago, he could never have seen him purring either). _'I analyse. And I most certainly don't purr.' _

'Yeah, right, pal. Don't think you can fool me by removing all the verbal contractions. I remember Bill-"I did not have relations with that woman"-Clinton too.'

_'…I have no idea what you're referring to.' _

'Ain't _that_ a surprise.'

_'Are you simply utterly incapable of just enjoying the peace and quiet? Has Devon driven all ability to release muscle tension out of you at last so you'll be in a permanent state of high-alert?' _

The dust blowing beneath the open window catches against his fingers. 'Who's on high alert? I'm not on high alert.'

_'Wrong. Your vitals are difficult to correlate this evening. We've been out here for three hours and you're _still_ imitating a walking mannequin.' _

'So let me laugh!' he throws up his hands in desperation before remembering he hasn't pressed the C-Button yet. 'Laughter equals tension release! Man, why didn't Bonnie ever make you able to laugh?'

_'She did try. I don't think it comes naturally to computers… It would be nice to know, though. _

'Say what?'

_'The sensation of laughter,'_ KITT elaborates. _'I can already express various sentiments… I'm capable of transcribing and showing amusement via tonal modulations and—'_

'KITT, _KITT_,' Michael shakes his head, still smiling. Sometimes, KITT just really doesn't get it. Once again he has succeeded in making a textbook formula out of something which really wouldn't fit within the confines of a text book. Hell, _fiction_ could hardly explain it. 'You're trying to psychoanalyse a… a very basic human trait here. You can't do that with laughter. Laughter just… happens. Something is funny, and… you laugh.'

_'How technical.'_

'Best I can do for ya, buddy. Take my advice –don't try to make sense out of it, you'll never get the hang. Humour is humour.' Like purring is purring.

_'Then my humour nodules need more than just a little work, it seems, because frankly Michael I have no idea what you're talking about.' _

'Yeeeah, you know sarcasm is the last refuge of the guy who can't tell any better jokes?'

_'Tragic, that it should have been relegated to such a standard. Sarcasm is clearly hanging around in bad company. And now I _know_ we've been out here too long, Michael, I've started mentally personifying emotional states. Can we go home now?'_

'Hey, you wanted the peace and quiet.'

_'True, but ironically enough, I don't seem to be getting it out here. Shoo,'_ he adds, clearly not speaking to Michael this time, and the lizard scratching around his front tire scurries off amongst the rocks.

Another pause. Only two sweeps this time, and for a moment, Michael thinks that they might get the quiet they were looking for. No such luck. _'It has been said by several people in the fields of human psychology that laughter is in fact the remnants of a human defensive system that is activated, so to speak, in response to fear and-slash-or threatening circumstances.'_

'That so?' Michael is only partly listening. Actually, he's kind of waiting for the purring to start up again.

_'That's so indeed. A human experiences fear in order to protect itself from danger, the fight or flight reflex, so to speak. The danger passes, and then they laugh about it to spread the word of safety and release the tension contained by their bodies. It tells those around you "I am fine. No danger here, go about your business and keep your distance". These days, human begins appear to laugh for a variety of reasons besides simply fear or alarm. Perhaps it truly is instinctive… _

'On occasion, your laugh has seemed rather melancholic to me, Michael.' 

The desert wind whips a little again and the lizard, now several feet away, buries out of sight beneath the dirt. At another time, in another place, Michael figures he would've read more into what KITT is saying but… not now. Not here. 'Really? So is it melancholic now, buddy?'

_'No, now it's simply irritating and completely against the idea of peace and quiet.'_

Michael laughs harder than before.

'You're happy, though, aren't you? That's a good sign.'

_'What do you mean?'_

'Cats purr when they're happy, simple. What is it? The total absence of any rock and roll for the last two hours? You made friends with that lizard over there? Bonnie promised you a tire refit when we get back?'

_'…In point of fact, Michael, it's a misconception that cats only purr when contented. They actually purr to express a variety of emotions including pain, irritation, annoyance…' _

Michael grins. 'So you're annoyed?'

'…No.'

'Then you're in pain?'

_'Michael, I can't_ feel _pain… Not in that sense.' _

'Oh-kay then, well, you're not annoyed and you're not in pain, so in that case you must be happy. Hence the purring. Glad we got that straightened out.'

'I wasn't purring! …Was I?'

'Like a _tiger_.'

KITT utters a small, irritated noise. _'Michael, this is ridiculous: tigers don't even_ purr. _The only member of the big cat family which does is the cheetah.' _

Michael grins, because the laughter is fading now, and there's really nothing else he can do. Here they are, out on the edge of the desert, away from the traffic and cars and sounds of the world, and somehow they've managed to enter into a conversation involving cats and purring and tyre refits and lizards. 'You learn something new every day, huh? There's something to tell Devon when we get back: Tigers don't purr but the Knight Industries Two Thousand does. We've finally outclassed the animal kingdom.'

_'Yes, good for us, can we go back to companionable silence now, please? Surely one who has outclassed another has no need to brag about it.'_

'It was a _companionable_ silence? No kid, I thought you were still pissed with me for the hosepipe incident.'

_'You should've been looking where you were sticking that contraption. My windows were_ wide open_ for goodness sakes.'_

'Seriously, KITT.'

_'I thought we'd concluded already?' _

'Hey, I concluded nothing, and I still say you purred. Easy, buddy, let it go.' Seriously, he doesn't think he'll ever get a chance to hear this again –a black trans am sitting there, purring in the middle of a desert, because it's happy and calm and there's nothing else to be done except sit there… He's not sure why that matters so much, but it _does_. It says something about KITT being _alive_ and…

How long is it going to be before they get another break like this?

Another, very noticeable pause. The silence returns to the desert and small creatures which had scattered at the sound of their voices began returning to the surface. A lizard saunters across their path; KITT idly picks it up on his scanners and projects the image through the video screen. Michael watches it vaguely inspecting KITT's front right tyre.

_'I have not ever and will not see fit to impersonate anything less dignified than a circus performer, Michael,'_ KITT says. 'Being lit up like Las Vegas was bad enough, please don't compare me to your average feline.'

Michael catches and flying past between his fingers in a passing zephyr. 'Buddy, you say that like there's something wrong with cats.'

_'There is. They shed. Besides, it's undignified, using the hubcaps of perfectly harmless stationary automobiles as they do.' _

'Maybe they're just admiring your finish.'

_'My hubcaps aren't for that either. Honestly, Michael, whatever happed to dignity?' _

'Says the guy who was quite happy to do an excited herby impersonation with swinging doors and flashing lights and all for a ten year old a while ago, huh?'

_'That was for a different cause. It was for Becky. I would move mountains for Becky, but Becky isn't a small feline.' _

Michael… shifts a little, no longer feeling like laughing. KITT rarely speaks so openly, especially not concerning those who matter to him so much. 'KITT, you move mountains on a daily basis anyway.'

_'Planetoids then. And you aren't permitted to tell her that… apparently vehicles are neither allowed nor capable of expressing such sentiments.' _

Sarcasm again. 'KITT, somehow I doubt anyone is as capable of those sentiments as you.' Michael grins and then he adds in a mutter 'Black Beauty,' (under his breath, because he knows he's not _supposed_ to know about that, and he has to let KITT have at least _some_ illusions of that dignity he's going on about).

There are a few more moments of desert stillness before Michael breaks. '…Alright, fine, I surrender.'

_'You admit it?'_

'Yes, if it makes you happy, you _weren't_ purring. I was completely and utterly mistaken and I apologise for it. It was all in my head. You're a KITT not a cat.'

KITT's sensors seem to quieten a little, but Michael can still imagine feeling them wrapped around him, like a laser restraint system. _'Thank you. Back to companionable silence?' _

'Gotcha.'

And for a while, that's what there is. The lizard reappears from beneath the sand for just a few seconds, as if checking the strange, black beast is still there, and after that Michael loses track of time for a while. One hand hangs out of the wide open window, almost touching the sand of a dune below, torn between the desert and KITT's surface. The stars keep spinning overhead and the desert is silent, as if the rest of the world no longer exists.

And then he blinks, because the whining (purring) has started again, as constant as a record player and gentle as any human humming.

'Um. KITT…?'

_'What is it now, Michael?'_

Michael lifts a hand, opens his mouth as if to speak, then changes his mind and taps KITT's door, instead. '…Yeah. it's… nothing. Never mind.'

_'…Alright them. And Michael?'_

'Mm?'

_'Just for the record, I _am_ due for a refit upon our return.'_

'Noted.'

_Fin._

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**Reviews and concrit are appreciated. **


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